I’ve been vaguely considering designing a custom deck of cards, akin to tarot cards, for many years.  I’ve never really wanted to simply design a tarot deck, as so many others have done before me, simply putting my own artwork on the traditional 72 cards.  This has something to do with my understanding about about divination works, and what part cards tend to play in it (not to mention the other roles such cards tend to end up playing on the side).  I’ve wanted to not just create artwork for an existing system of divination, but to create a new system from scratch.  A wholly original deck.

Of course, I’m aware that Leviticus 19:26 makes it clear that God would prefer if I didn’t practice divination at all.  The context that Isaiah 2:6 gives divination is as a “superstition from the East.”  I’d effectively given up the practice a few years ago, after a brief, intense period of giving in to the temptation, but it’s been on my mind again, lately.  Not in the context of wanting to do readings or divine knowledge/wisdom/future, but in wanting to design the cards, and to publish a book explaining them.  So I started designing.  I want through a couple of interesting ideas, did dozens of sketches, and decided to go a different direction.

I’ve been working on steering my creativity in a direction toward more Christian writing.  Not entirely effectively, yet, but I’ve been trying to at the very least avoid going further in the direction of the sex, violence, and apparent lack of morality that the Untrue Tales From Beyond Fiction was pointing me in (though that changes character in the final books).  I have a partially completed book that literally explores the concept of the unforgivable sin mentioned by Jesus – with violence, sex, action, and all sorts of other apparent sins (and exploration of the meaning of ‘sin’) along the way.  I would like to write several explorations of the complex, interesting, and challenging things I have found in scripture and in my own Christian walk.  But first, I think I’ll start with something unconventional:

I’m designing a deck of Christian cards, and writing a book to explain them.  As I conceive it now, I expect the book to have three pain parts: One part, the expected breakdown, card by card, of how to read the cards for divination – what this one means, what it means ‘reversed’, how to lay the cards out and to interpret them.  One part, a theological and biblical exploration of divination, ‘Eastern superstition’, and related new age beliefs as a temptation for modern Christians, especially as for new Christians who prior to being born again practiced such things.  One part, an alternative breakdown, card by card, that uses the deck of cards as a sort of flash cards for learning about Jesus, Christianity, and the early church.

Part of the idea (which will certainly be included in the book) is that most things of this world are neither inherently good or evil, but it is our individual choices, day by day and moment by moment, that we do right or wrong.  That we imbue the things of this world with the good or the evil that we do with them.  A deck of cards -the ones I am designing, or any deck of tarot cards- is not evil.  It is not a tool of the devil, in and of itself.  It can be used to do evil, but the cards themselves are not evil.  If I do a good job designing them, if I write a clear and well-organized book, both of which I believe can only happen through him who gives me strength, then my cards will be able to do good by those who choose to use them for good, and to likewise allow those who choose to do so to use them for divination.  A tool.  A choice.

The production, distribution, and sale of the book is easy for me, right now.  I’ve got 10 books in print already, and adding one only takes a couple of weeks, once it’s written.  The production, distribution, and sale of the cards -especially as part of a bundled item with the book- looks challenging.  There are several options for getting the cards printed.  I could pay for a huge offset run, warehouse them somehow…  There are a couple of companies that will do short-run decks of cards (hundreds instead of thousands or tens of thousands of decks).  I found one place that will do “print on demand” of custom cards, but not like POD book printers do -they aren’t doing wholesaling, retailing, distribution, and won’t do one-offs-  but they’ll print as few as 10 decks at a time, and they’ll print (but not assemble) deck boxes, too.  And I found a place that sells microperforated playing card paper, so I can print a test deck or two on my own printer.  So I’ll probably go with that last one at first, get the cards how I want them.  Then go to the POD printer and get a small order (they have a price break at 50 decks) & have a matching print run at Lightning Source (who also has a price break at 50 copies of a book).  Then try to get them carried by Christian and new age stores, I guess.  

I’m considering some options like:  Putting the book out with a high cover price & one page being a coupon you mail in for a free deck of cards.  Doing all the distribution myself, so I can bundle them manually, and don’t have to worry about people who buy the book through other channels & don’t get the cards.  Writing the book in such a way that it stands alone, without the cards, but tells you how you can order the cards, and using the same distribution setup I have for my other books.  And… uhh… do you have any other ideas?  I’ll be thinking about it for a while.

The current plan is to do the research (ie: read the bible, concordances, and other bible resources) so I can write 2-4 pages (minimum) for each of the cards (at least 1 page for each of the two parts that break down each card), and to paint an individual painting for each card’s art.  I’m hoping to do each painting 8×10″ or less, so I can do a high resolution scan with equipment I already own, do additional work in Photoshop as necessary, but then to have an original painting for sale that corresponds to every card.  To make packaging & distribution easier (and because it fell together in the designing of the deck), I’m doing a 52-card deck, currently as follows:

• 5 ‘Major’ cards: God, Jesus, Holy Spirit, Death, & Devil
• 14 Apostles cards: 1 per apostle, including both Judas & Matthias and Paul
• 11 Miracles cards, each featuring one of Jesus’ miracles
• 11 Ministry cards, each featuring one group of people to whom Jesus ministered
• 11 Message cards, each featuring one basic, foundational, repeated part of Jesus’ message

I think the hard cards will be the Apostle cards.  I need to do the research, but I’m pretty sure there are a few of the apostles there isn’t two pages’ worth of information about in the bible.  Hopefully I’m mistaken.  Either way, I’ll have to figure out how to represent each of them visually – I plan to research how they’ve each been traditionally and historically depicted in the last two millennia.  Still, they effectively represent 14 paintings of “a man,” which, if you’ve seen my art, you know hasn’t exactly been something I’ve been perfecting.  So probably 14 abstracted expressions of what each man represented or something they did or … inspired by whatever was used to depict them historically.  Your suggestions are, again, welcome.

I have a list, a flexible, mutable list, of what I expect the 52 cards to be.  I’m thinking of creating 52 blog posts -perhaps in a separate instance of WP, or perhaps merely in their own category- one for each card, where I can write out my explorations of the concepts.  I’ll have to think about that, too.  What do you think would work best?  Are you interested?  What would hold your interest?  What would annoy you about blogging it?  

Up late again.  Didn’t do any audio work today (now I’m not actually “ahead” of the podcast, anymore – a lot of recording done, but no finished episodes ready to go from here on out), but absolutely have to do some tomorrow.  Who wants to try to get me up in the morning?  Say, around 8?  sigh.

This post is about everything else.  This post is about how, in between the last two First Friday Art Walks (ie: basically in January), I painted 6 new paintings, recorded the audio for the podcast version of FWYCR (inlcuding 6 chapters ahead of where I needed to be), wrote 5 (mostly long) blog posts, did my taxes, et cetera, et cetera.  This post is about how, since the February First Friday Art Walk I haven’t painted anything new, have only written this blog post, and have only finished the single chapter of MEPod that was due today.  This post is about how I don’t know when my next book will be ready for publication, or what book it will be.  This post is about how I occasionally notice that I don’t have a “marketing strategy.” This post is about feeling insignificant, helpless.

After this month’s First Friday Art Walk in downtown Phoenix (I show among the vendors known as “Roosevelt Row” – the booths in the blocked off streets of Garfield between 4th & 6th, on 5th between Garfield & McKinley, and starting next month on 6th as well – I’m there every month, I pre-paid for all of 2009, and you can see/buy my art and/or books in person there for cash), I sold two paintings.  Did not sell them at the Art Walk, one because I don’t take credit cards on site, the other because there wasn’t a convenient ATM, but sold them after being seen there.  Gladly drove across town on Saturday to deliver one (after processing the payment through Google Checkout) and to a different part of town on Sunday to deliver the other.  I’m always glad to put my creations into the hands of people who appreciate them.  People who love them.  People who are excited to be able to see them again and again.  These kind of sales are awesome.

Very early Monday morning I left for NY. Thursday evening I returned to Phoenix.  Friday I did laundry and tried to recover from the conference & the trip.

Saturday I had another Art Walk / Art Fair, this time at Angel’s Serenity in North Phoenix/Scottsdale.  The Angel’s Serenity Art Fair is a Saturday, daytime event.  It had better turnout when the economy was in better shape (and when there was an open coffee shop involved – since gone out of business), but I still feel it’s worthwhile to show there.  It certainly doesn’t cost anything but my time and effort.  Sold a few books (You’ve seen the new books, right?), about half to returning customers.  That’s my favorite and most reassuring sort of customer, the ones who have bought my books before, read them, and want to buy the new books, too.  That’s the basis for my publishing model; to build an audience of people who will continue buying my books as I continue to write them.  Didn’t move any art at the Art Fair, but a past customer and I spent a lot of time discussing the 5 or 6 pieces he wants to buy – if only I catch him at the right time of the month.  I’ll follow up with him after the first of the month.

Writing it out, I know it hasn’t been a lot of time – especially since the conference was actually work.  Yet I feel unaccomplished, so far.  Dilligent, yes.  I recorded three more chapters of FWYCR yesterday, and worked on trying to figure out what to do about the final main character’s voice – it needs to be distinct, striking, but not distracting or confusing.  I edited, mixed, compressed & posted chapter 15 today, went to two banks and a book store, and am writing this blog post.  I’ve been working on some other ideas (more below) as well.  Still, I feel I haven’t done enough.  On the other hand, a big part of why I chose not to buy the big TV was so that I would be able to work longer without stress and worry – so that I would be able to go at my own pace without having to freak out about whether my art & writing were bringing in enough money on a day-to-day and week-to-week basis.  So I’m trying not to freak out.

I’m also looking at some new projects.  I’m considering designing a deck of cards – you can think of them like tarot cards or fortune telling cards, though I’m developing them largely from scratch.  I’m working out some planning and manufacturing ideas already, starting work on basic artwork & meanings.  Probably a set of 50 cards – thinking of maybe putting it out as a “deck” of moo business cards, actually, though I haven’t fully considered all the different custom card-deck printing options out there yet.  Feel free to suggest someone in the comments.  Then, in parallel with developing the deck, write a book explaining the cards, their meanings, and how to do a “reading” from them.  Publish the book & make the cards available – because I can, and it interests me to do so.  Not sure how to market such a thing, and certainly can’t bundle the cards with the book via Lightning Source, but it’s an idea.  If I decide to paint the images for the cards, that could mean up to 50 new Mini-Paintings – I’d want to do them at a size I could scan with the equipment I have, so probably 8×10″ or smaller canvas or canvas boards.  Or perhaps illustrations on paper, but then I’d have to mount/mat/frame them.  bleh.  But either way, that could be a gallery show I could shop around.  Hang the originals on the walls, sell the cards & books (& originals), and have me (someone) do readings for guests all night/nights.

I’m also increasingly thinking of trying to put together a music “album.”  Probably a “Christian music album,” at that.  I keep having to compose my own music for the podcasts (because I’m quite stubborn and independent) and thus to think about music, to design music, and to practice with its creation.  I’ve been vaguely thinking about creating music since middle or high school, but have rarely stuck with any physical instrument for more than a few weeks at a time & have never studied musical composition.  Having Garageband in front of me several hours a week, listening to music I’ve composed play behind my audiobooks, it’s been pushing me more and more toward writing songs & putting together an album.  That, I don’t have outlines or plans or marketing plans for (yet), unlike the cards/book thing above, but it’s rolling around in my head, closer and closer to the front all the time.

Which brings me around to what may be a lack of focus.  If I’m writing/composing/recording/producing an album of Christian music, am I focused on art?  On writing?  On publishing?  I’ve squeezed the designing of a deck of fortune cards (did you know the Old Testament  condemns divination?) into the art/publishing worlds with the hand-painting of the art & the writing/publishing of a companion book, but has my focus slipped?  What happened to the anthology of short stories I was working on last year?  When is UTFBF-RoaAP: Book Four going to be written?  Will I paint anything other than these cards any time soon?  What about my next podcast novel (due in April)?  What about marketing?

Marketing?  Fuck.  I knew I was forgetting something.  I still haven’t figured out how to do marketing.  Sigh.

In other news, since my books are increasingly apparent as some sort of idealized-communist propaganda, I’ve begun slogging my way through Atlas Shrugged.  The Fountainhead is next.  Then probably the Communist Manifesto, Wealth of Nations and Mein Kampf.  I’ve never read any of these, but time for reading is part of what I bought myself when I didn’t buy a 73″ HDTV.  Speaking of which, I’m going to go work on Atlas Shrugged right now.

I’ll start by walking you through a round of the game. First, get a deck of regular playing cards, or, if you already have a “Wish” deck set up, you can use that. It’s possible, but more challenging, to do this with Tarot cards, so if you have a preferred deck of Tarot cards you would like to use, feel free. Do you have a deck of cards in hand? Good.

Now, I want you to go through the deck and sort it into two piles, one pile will have all the single-digit numbered cards (2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, and 9) and the other will have the face cards, the tens, and the aces. (For a tarot deck, you’ll have the same numbered cards in one stack, and a lot more cards in the other, including all the major arcana.) We want just the numbered cards, and there should be exactly 32 of them. Count them to be sure that you have 32, and if you have too many or too few, go through and find the misplaced cards. Set aside all the other cards.

Now, before we move on to the next step, I need you to think of a wish, something you desire. In order for this to work, what you want, your desire, should end up phrased in the form beginning with “I wish…” (Think of the beginning of the movie Labyrinth, the Goblin King wouldn’t take the baby until Sarah used the same form of wish.) Your wish should be forward-looking, and your wish should be positive. First, that means you shouldn’t wish for something to have already happened, or for something to happen in the past, such as “I wish I were born [the opposite gender]” or “I wish [he/she] hadn’t left me.” Second, it means you shouldn’t wish for something NOT to happen, such as “I wish I’ll never die” or “I wish they won’t find out about my dark secret.” So. Forward-looking and positive. Got it? Good.

Equally important to those guidelines is this: You should only wish for something you genuinely wish for. If, in re-phrasing your wish or making your wish more specific, your wish becomes even slightly off from what you actually want, what you actually wish for, the results will be at least that much off. If what you really want is to have the time and concentration to write a novel, but what you wish for is to win the lottery, thinking that that would have the desired effect… well, even if if your wish came true, the resutlts wouldn’t be able to tell you anything about writing a novel, only about winning the lottery. Feel free to wish for improbable or impossible things, but expect the results to bear this out. Just be sure that what you’re wishing for is what you actually want.

Have you got your wish ready, and in mind? Good.

Now shuffle the 32-card deck you made at the beginning. As you do so, concentrate on your wish. You are trying to “shuffle your wish into the deck.” This could take a single cut of the cards, a couple of shuffles, dozens of shuffles, even spreading the cards out on the table and running them around with your hands and then back together – do whatever you think is best, and shuffle until you feel they are shuffled enough. For me, the cards will usually tell me they’re shuffled enough by “slipping” or missing shuffling together smoothly, and that is when I will stop shuffling and start dealing. Have you got your wish shuffled into the cards? Good.

Now you’re going to deal them out into eight stacks of four cards. As you deal them out, try to continue to concentrate on your wish, if you can. The order and pattern you do this in is precise and important. You will start in the upper-left corner, laying down a single face-down card at a time in four stacks, left to right, then begin a second row below the first one, laying down four more cards, left to right, fice-down on the table in front of you. The cards should be laid out like this (numbers indicating the order you laid them down in):

 ___   ___   ___   ___ 
|   | |   | |   | |   |
| 1 | | 2 | | 3 | | 4 |
|   | |   | |   | |   |
 —   —   —   — 

 ___   ___   ___   ___ 
|   | |   | |   | |   |
| 5 | | 6 | | 7 | | 8 |
|   | |   | |   | |   |
 —   —   —   — 

Lay down a second set of cards on top of those in the same pattern, and then a third. Deal out the final eight cards face up in the same pattern (left to right, top row then bottom row), and you’re ready to play.

The game itself is a simple matching game. You can match any two like-numbered cards, such as a 2 of hearts and a 2 of diamonds or a 6 of clubs and a 6 of hearts, or any other matching numbers. You may NOT match my suit, a 4 of diamonds and a 9 of diamonds are NOT a match. When you have two matching cards, remove them to a discard pile and flip over the cards (if any) that were face-down beneath them. Pretty simple. Only two cards may be removed at a time – if you have three of a kind, you must make a choice from the three possible matched pairs which two cards you will remove. Personally, when I play, I avoid making choices as long as possible, hoping that the fourth card will come up from under one of my other matches. Play however you like. The object is to end up with no cards remaining.

If you followed all the steps correctly and ended up removing all the cards, the clear result of the game is that the cards believe you will get your wish. They do not provide any more information about it, but think about what you wished for, and then think about getting it – there you go. Be happy.

If you followed all the steps correctly, removed every possible match, and have cards remaining, you will not get what you wished for. But we can learn something about why not by reading the remaining cards. We’re going to use standard Tarot readings for the cards from this point forward, so if you’re using tarot cards, great. In fact, if you’re experienced at reading tarot cards, even better. For the rest of you, you’re going to need some sort of book or guide or website that tells you what the different Tarot cards mean. I tend to use this website, which has extensive information about each card. For most readings of my wish results, I’ll open up four tabs (or windows) of my browser to the four suits of the Tarot: Swords, Cups, Wands, and Pentacles – This gives me easy access to all the information I need for all possible cards.

Now, for the purposes of this reading, for those of you with standard playing cards, interpret all Spades and Swords, all Hearts as Cups, all Clubs as Wands, and all Diamonds as Pentacles. It’s easy once you get used to it. So, understanding that, and with your tarot card information ready, how do you read the remaining cards?

The cards remaining face up represent what would happen if you got your wish. With simple wishes and simple outcomes, you’ll probably only have one or two cards. With complicated or far-fetched wishes, or for wishes that did not match well with what you actually want, you’ll have a whole mess of cards left, both face up AND face down, and may want to skip the reading. (If you are using real Tarot cards, you will probably get a more accurate reading by treating reversed cards as upright cards. I have not tested this thoroughly.) Look up the meanings of the cards you have face up. This can tell you a lot about what the real outcome of your wish might have been – I often find that the cards remind me of difficulties and details in the situation that I had overlooked while wishing, that I had been working from an idealized version of outcomes rather than a realistic one. If there seems to be no relation between the meanings of the face-up cards and your wish, there’s a good chance your wish was too vague, was negative, was not forward-looking, or -more likely- was not something you actually wanted to occur.

Assuming your reading so far isn’t so complex or off-base that you’ve given up, there’s more: Some of the cards you have left MUST have face-down cards underneath them These cards tell you about what is preventing your wish from coming true. If, for example, you have only a face-up 9 of Hearts (9 of Cups) on top of a face-down 9 of Spades (9 of Swords), a simple interpretation could be that you won’t get what you wished for and be happy because you worry so much that you are afraid to even try. More complicated blocks are possible, but no card can be on top of more than three cards, so not TOO much so.

Some of your cards may not have ANY cards face-down underneath them. These cards represent the parts of your wish coming true that are not prevented by anything – that is, you can, and probably will, achieve these parts of your wish outcome. I did a reading recently for someone where they had five face-up cards, two represented the challenging and difficult parts of getting their wish and three represented the positive, enriching, happy outcomes. All were blocked but the most painful and difficult card, and in learning about the situation as I did the full reading, it was clear that this was accurate – they would get much of the pain, but none of the positive benefits related to their wish.

It’s also important to consider the whole picture, how all the cards work together. For this purpose, I like to get all the cards face-up in front of me. I take each stack of remaining cards and turn the face-down cards 90 degrees before flipping them over, then spread them out so that the cards closest to the face-up card remain closest to it in the spread, and all the cards’ numbers and suits can be read. An example of one card on top of another card turned 90 degrees is below:

     ___
 ___|   |
|   |   |
|   |   |
 ——-

I do this with each of the remaining stacks, replacing them into their original configuration, and this allows me to see how each part of the wish’s fulfillment and prevention sits in relation to the others. Experienced tarot card readers should be able to see patterns and additional information in this layout. Also, for cards that are considered to be equivalent to or near-equivalent to a card of the Major Arcana, such as the 2 of Hearts (2 of Cups) and the Lovers, you may want to look to the meaning of the Major Arcana card in question. Like any reading, it’s important to relate the results with the query and the querant as best you can.

When you have finished with the reading, that’s it, that’s the end of the game. Well, except that after you get an accurate reading from your first wish, you’ll probably want to try out a few more, or try it out on other people. It’s a little more involved than a standard tarot reading, especially if you’re using tarot cards without clear numbers on them for matching, but you can certainly work other people through it.

First, be sure you have your deck prepared ahead of time, with just the 32 cards you’ll need separated out. Then, talk them through selecting a wish while you shuffle the cards with a clear mind. Give them the cards and tell them to shuffle their wish into the deck; that is, until they feel it is shuffled enough. Lay out the cards for them, making sure that the first card is in THEIR upper left, and that the first row is the one furthest from them and the second row is closest to them. Explain the matching game as you deal out the cards, and then let them play it out. Voila! You can then do the reading from their results (or tell them they’ll get their wish). Easy as pie.

I’d meant to also write about my recent uses of this game and how they related to personal events and things outside of my control and … and how they’ve been eerily accurate so far. Perhaps I’ll do that separately – this post is pretty long. If you have questions or problems, let me know. I’d love to clarify the instructions, maybe shorten them, maybe make them produce even better results – this is the third generation of the game, the first of which just gave the yes/no on the wish, and I’m developing a fourth already. Feel free to share this post, or the game or whatever, anywhere and everywhere. Also, feel free to flame me for having done something wrong or whatever. Moo!

It’s fun.

Sometimes . . .

Sometimes my mind . . . twists.

Sometimes the splits and cracks and complications; the things in my mind that make me me, that make me we; become more evident – become more real . . . and take over.

Sometimes the parts of me, some of us, the personalities among us (me) that usually hide behind the rest of us, that aren’t strong enough to be seen . . . get to play.

Sometimes when we, the strong, the obvious ones, let them, the weak, the hidden, those that do what they want, and don’t think about the future, take control, to see what they’ll do, to feel what we can’t . . . it hurts.

Sometimes the pain, which is not usually physical, which hurts because they know now that they shouldn’t, that they’re not allowed out, so they don’t . . . i cry.

Sometimes we (I) just want to let go of it all, let them all do what they want, what they should, what they can . . . forever.

Sometimes . . .

I just checked; I have been mentioning here about my reality problems… I don’t know anymore exactly what I’ve been doing – it keeps changing. So today everyone’s talking about this OJ Simpson trial, and until around 6 in the evening Monday night, I had no idea that he was on trial, or what for. Now, all of a sudden, I’m glad that the media gets so excitable over celebrities; otherwise, I would not be able to discuss this case like I haven’t been living in another universe. The re-capping of the trial was seemingly useless, but now I see that without having watched it, I would have little to no idea what everyone was talking about.

Worse yet is that yesterday morning, OJ was guilty, and there were more riots in LA; by afternoon, sometime when I wasn’t watching TV (* I do a lot of that, the not watching *), OJ was innocent, and LA was cheering. Not having read the news this morning, I will assume that he was found not guilty until I see otherwise. Everyone’s saying their opinions about what they thought the verdict would be – I didn’t even know about the trial until two days ago, so I do not feel either way. I’m not sure I would care anyway – no one that I know was killed or on trial…

The universe, as it appears to me, is becoming less and less stable as I go along from one day to the next. As I stated before, I’m used to a few things randomly changing without anyone’s notice but mine, but they used to be only minor things, and only dealing with bits of the universe that weren’t bits of me. Well, although Friday was a pretty calm day, with only a hundred or two things jumping out of place, disappearing, or changing their nature, Saturday made up for it. Before Saturday, for as long as I can remember, Karl Marx had been a great leader in Europe. His ideas, essays, and speeches had swayed the ways that the common man thought, and there had been a revolution. Marxism was adopted greatfully by most of western Europe, and rejected by the backwards nation of Russia. There was never a conflict (such as this Cold War I have been reading about) between Democracy and Marxism, even though America was firmly Democratic up until the shift on Saturday. Now, I have had to deal with a major shift in history and politics, as well as a change in my personal physiology that I do not want to discuss, and I am worried that if this continues, I will not be able to keep up.

Reality seems to be shifting erratically about me without any rhyme or reason at a much higher rate than usual. Normally, I can expect one real thing to become completely unreal, or one non-existant, unreal thing to suddenly exist and be accepted as normal w/o any transition every few days or so. Lately, it’s been as much as two or three hundred things every day, which is quite unsettling. It’s not even big things that are changing, only the small details; the organization of furniture, a change in a person’s beliefs, carpet colors, or maybe the size/shape of a tree. So many small things spontaneously changing, that is, always having been the way they suddenly are for everyone but me, has left me feeling totally unanchored.