There is a sound my computer makes when somone logs into MSN Messenger. My computer makes a variety of different sounds to alert me to various things. Sounds to let me know email has arrives, sounds to let me know the email was junkmail, sounds to let me know when my site’s daily statistics have come in. When someone logs into iChat/AIM, it actually speaks, saying who they are and whether they have logged in or out. But there is a specific sound to say ’someone has logged into MSN Messenger.’

When I’m in the next room watching TV or cooking or whatever I’m doing, those sounds are useful. Helpful. They tell me that maybe I should come take a look at my email on the next commercial break, or that someone I’d like to chat with is online. Most of the time I don’t bother to jump up to see who is logging in or out; there’s another sound to alert me if they actually say something. Yet…

I’ve noticed lately that I still think of her. Every day. Lately I’ve noticed, but I’m sure it’s been going on for much longer, that there’s a sound my computer makes that makes me look at a clock and add 8 or 9 hours. Try to determine if it’s worth it to see who just logged on or whether she’d be asleep or at school. A certain pre-emptive elation comes with that sound, perhaps because it is the only sound that says I’m allowed to hear from her. Well, that and the mailbox, but mostly the mailbox seems to mean bills these days, which put me in an increasingly tough spot instead of a state of elation.

I miss her. I do. For a long time now it’s been a struggle with her. Since February. She knows the one. I worry. I worry that … she doesn’t believe that things can change. That people can change. That I have changed. That I’m still changing. Not just for her. For me. But yeah, for her too.

She deosn’t tear me up inside the way she used to. She isn’t a stumbling block anymore. But she’s still there. In my heart. Pulling strings every time my computer makes that one sound.

So I was sitting there on the couch, sorta staring at the TV on which some inane rapper was … well… rapping, I guess. And I was thinking about putting a little bit of code in the template that lists the weights for Fuck 50lbs To Hell (see the right column), so that it would show a total of the weight lost between us. And when I stood up to walk over to the computer, I noticed that I had become physically aroused thinking of writing some simple math code. And I thought I’d share.

Oh yeah, and now it shows how much weight has been lost, total. Check it out.

There are now three major challenges in my house, plus the regular old ones like keeping things clean that I never seem to get to. Two new challenges walked into my house at the same time on Saturday night. One of them is the David Blaine book thing, and it is a doozie. The other is Mortal Kombat : Deadly Alliance for XBox, which I am borrowing from Heath until Thursday night. Because I knew it would consume me, I put off even looking at David’s book Saturday night, and instead played MKDA until around 6AM. I haven’t turned it on since, but considering I don’t have it very long, I think I’m going to have to go play it a bit more. Oh, and the third challenge: Finding a job. I’ve already applied at a couple of places this morning. We’ll see what happens. I haven’t officially heard back about the graphic design job I applied for a couple of weeks ago… huh.

The puzzles in David’s book were designed by the guy who created A Fool’s Errand and 3 in Three. Before I got my hands on the book, if you had asked me what the most challenging, puzzling, mind-bending enigmas I had experienced were I would likely answer in this order: Women, 3 in Three, and A Fool’s Errand. I don’t believe I ever ‘beat’ any of these challenges, though I certainly proceeded farther through them than anyone else I know (well, except for the challenge of women; I know some people who have proceeded farther than I on that challenge). So this is going to be particularly interesting and difficult. I’m thinking of playing both games for a while to get my mind into the groove of how this guy thinks.

So these three challenging things are drawing me, and I can only do so much at once, but I would certainly like to solve all three problems. Or if I solve the David’s book problem, maybe I don’t need to solve the job problem as soon. Except I think it’s going to take me quite a while to solve this book. So after I finish a couple more Jumble Jitters, I’m going to go try a little MKDA, then get back into reading the actual text of the book before I try to solve its puzzles again.

I just wanted to complain here that the check that was supposedly mailed 7 days ago from somewhere in the continental US is not here yet. It’s fairly frustrating.

So, I know I mentioned that I felt that E*TRADE’s fees were fraudulent, or at least uncalledfor, because they did not exist when I signed up. I didn’t want to go back through the signing up process at E*TRADE to determine what exactly they put into their Terms of Service that allowed them to impose fees on my account without giving me notice, but I’m sure it was something similar to this phrase in another site’s Terms of Service that I’m going through right now:

(click to enlarge)

In case you can’t read legalese, it says they can start imposing fees anytime they want, in any amount they want, for any parts of their site or services they want, and all they have to do is have a file somewhere on their site called the ‘Agreement’ that says they’re going to start charging fees. They don’t need to email you, or put a notice on the site, they just need to add a phrase or two to a document you thought you’d already read, and then just by accessing the site (or in the case of some of the services of this site, just not removing the content you’ve uploaded) you are agreeing to pay them whatever amount they choose. How about that?

I just thought I’d share, for those of you who thought I was exaggerating or being unfair. Companies really do this. You’ve probably agreed to dozens of things like this already. When the fees show up, know they were in their legal rights to charge them.