I’ve stripped the blankets off my bed and I’ve stripped the clothes off my back. I’ve opened the window to let the cool air in, but I can’t seem to find music that sounds sad enough and I still feel like there’s a layer of heat stuck between me and the air in my room. I was feeling fine earlier. I was as good as I expected to be and there was no reason to expect anything but the best. I’m trying to figure out what the difference is. What crawled across my flesh and into my head and made me feel like hope is hopeless and brought these tears to my eyes only to tell me that crying won’t solve anything? What sight or sound or memory flitted across my perception and showered me with this sense that something is dreadfully wrong; that there is no direction to run in that will not take me into the arms of the very thing I was running away from?

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I have been conflicted about writing here again. The last thing I wrote spawned quite a lot of exaggerated emotions and intolerant attitudes from people in the forums. I am always happy to see more activity in the forums, new people visiting the site, reading the comics and essays and poetry that we have here, enjoying the creative works of our little community. At the same time, I am not one to intentionally cause pain and hardship for people, and if writing here is going to cause people such intense discomfort, perhaps I should not write at all. Then again, if people are going to have such a strong reaction to something, maybe they should stay away from it. Just because some people have a very strong reaction to habenero peppers doesn’t mean that they should stop being grown and made available to the public. So, I write.

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